Dumb Joke and 2 Other Weird Events

Where do compulusive masturbators keep their money?

The Spank Bank!

Weird Event #1:
- I went to get groceries at the Kroger that used to be a Farmer Jack on Warren & Middlebelt today, and all was well... until I went to the checkout lanes. First, they've eliminated the "Candy Free" lane that I love because instead of candy, there are 46,328 other impuluse items, and some of the stuff is really cool to look at, bummer. Second, there were employees standing at the entrances to the lanes looking like Buckingham Palace Guards. I didn't quite know exactly what it was they were there to watch over, so I figured maybe these were stock people caught shoplifting and were being put on time-out by a manager or something. I - was - wrong. As I entered the lane to put my groceries on the conveyor, one of them grabbed the side of my cart, guided in it, and began putting my stuff up there for me... UM, NO!!Especially since it was a squirrely looking little guy, and I was buying tampons... sheesh. I let the checker know that it was weird in a bad way, she laughed at me a little and said she'd let the manager know.

Weird Event #2:
-Actually happened last night, but I was too tired to write about it then. I'm sure you've seen signs at corners that people put up advertising lost dogs, garage sales, etc. Well, as I sat at the light on Beech Daly between I-96 and the post office, I watched a lady as she struggled to mash her sign into the ground at the corner by the utility pole. What she failed to notice, while smoking a cigarette and jabbing the metal stake over and over into the earth was the ORANGE GAS LINE DO NOT DIG Flag directly in line with the hole she was trying to make. When the light turned green, I got out of there, shaking my head all the way... as much as I wanted to take a picture of the stupid lady blowing herself to kingdom come, I didn't want to be that close when it happened.