Leading More Than One Life

Those who have known me for a few years are aware of my somewhat bizarre custody arrangement with my ex-husband. No, I'm not talking about his taking over ownership of my cat, but about our having our son for one week each, then switching over on Sundays at 6pm. What this does to my life, and his supposedly, is force a shift in activities and priorities week to week. Finding cool places to go and things to do with my son isn't a problem, this city is packed with kid-friendlyness. The problem lies in what to do during the weeks he's not with me. Have you ever heard the saying, "An idle mind is the devil's workshop"? That's pretty much what goes on - either I spend far too many hours in bed feeling sorry for myself, I engage in flights of fancy (seriously, I've got about a billion frequent flyer miles from those), I make plans to do things that will never be set in motion, or I go out and do non-constructive things in order to numb myself and not feel lost and alone. The worst part is the self-sabotage; not plannin what I have to do, making excuses when things don't happen the way I want, or setting myself up for failure with goals that are way too high in the short term. Writing about this is an attempt to change old behavior patterns and get moving in better directions. Knowing what I'm doing wrong and putting it out in public makes me feel a bit more accountable, even if some of the slightly naughty things I do on my weeks off are enjoyable. The hard part of leading more than one life is choosing what parts of each I want to keep when I finally pull it all together.