Superhero seeks Same

Being single again, I'd decided to take some time to reevaluate what I want from a man. The conclusion I have come to is that the only acceptable man to date is a superhero. Obviously, since no other type of man seems to be able to keep me content for very long. Here's a list of what I'm looking for, with detailed explanations, because some of these points call for them. You'll notice, that like all of my lists, there is no apparent order of importance, some of these have some wiggle room, some of them are absolute, read on at your own risk.

Honest - Doesn't tell lies, and isn't deluding himself about who he is and what he wants, and doesn't have some potentially damning secret, well, other than the costumed crime-fighting

Physically Capable - Fit, but not excessively concerned about it, and not judgemental about people who aren't, able to do at least 15 minutes of somewhat aerobic activity without getting winded / needing a nap

Sexually Capable - Yes, I am an adult female, I want sex! What I don't want is a guy who can't / won't wear a condom, can't keep it up, or has an orgasm within 15 seconds of commencing intercourse. Sexual dysfunction is a medical issue, I am not a doctor, take care of it yourself. Don't bitch at me about the condom either, it is a fact that you can die from unprotected sex, I'm not willing to take the chance that your last partner's last partner was infected with something and didn't offer full disclosure, deal with it.

Witty - I was going to say Intelligent, but I've met a ton of smart guys who can't turn a phrase, who repeat themselves, or who discuss subjects that are not interesting, even after the conversation has moved on

Attractive - No, it's not shallow to want to date an attractive person, and I won't accept a double standard in this regard. Even if a man were to fit every other item on this list, if he's peanut-headed, cross-eyed, weak-chinned, balding, with bad teeth, he can hit the bricks. This category can also cover hygiene as well; shaved, showered, good smelling with good breath and clean clothes is not negotiable, you wouldn't want to go out with me if I'm not in satisfactory condition, why should I put up with less?

Mentally Stable / Even Temper - Briefly, here's what I don't want: Maniacs / Hair Triggers / Road Ragers / Abusers / Addicts / Head Cases / Degenerates / Assholes / Weirdos / Creeps / Egoists / Jerks

Confident / Outgoing / Mixes well with Others - I like having fun, so going out in public to do things is going to happen, and eventually, you will meet my friends, so if you're sitting in a corner, expecting me to entertain you, it's not going to last. This does not mean, however, that I like it when you flirt with the waitress or shift your eyes all over the room looking for someone else to hook up with!

Funny - Tell me jokes, see if I laugh, trust me - it's a turn-on

Adventurous - I have this list of stuff I'd like to try, some of the things on it are once-in-a-lifetime kinds of things, you'll need to want to test your limits and accompany me. Possibly with a first-aid kit and a cell phone for emergencies

Loyal - If I'm dating a superhero, I'd expect he'd back me up, and be on my side, but not blindly because sometimes it's more loyal to point out when I'm wrong so that I can correct it. Don't even think about screwing around with someone else once we "go exclusive".

Thoughtful / Courteous / Kind - It seems like 3 different ways to say the same thing, but what I'm getting at is this: if you can't be mindful of another person's needs, then at least be polite to everyone, and if that's too difficult, the at least be generally nice.

Able to keep pets and plants alive - Love cats? Dogs? Fish? Ferns? Ficus? If you're unable to maintain the health and safety of any other living thing, it's really doesn't say much about your ability to keep a relationship healthy. This is a great tip-off whether or not a guy is at least somewhat dependable.

Tolerant of people in less fortunate circumstances - Don't kick a guy when he's down, offer help / volunteer if possible. You need to figure out where to draw a line, however, and not be a sucker or a sap.

Accept my parenthood without interference - You are not expected to raise my child, that's my choice and responsibility, and I'm really good at it. Please don't profess to hate other people's kids or be easily ticked off by the fact that humans take a while to grow to adulthood, and while they are doing so, they don't always act like we'd expect in public - it's not your child, so unless there's some danger, don't make snide comments or offer assistance that you don't intend to carry out to the end - when other supposed adults in the area act self-righteous, they make an acting up child and an already uncomfortable parent's experience worse.

Civic-minded / Patriotic - Political awareness is cool! You don't have to hold public office, but if you don't know who the mayor of your city is, take some time and figure it out. There's a lot of cool stuff that happens all around you, take some time to find out about it.

Non-Criminal - I shouldn't have to put this in here, but I am: don't put me in danger by being a dumbass. Yes, I believe in the rule of the law, even if I don't always agress with every listed statute. Does this mean you can't speed on the freeway? Nope, just don't do foolish crap, and if you should ever get pulled over, or arrested, don't make a scene, just take your ticket, smile, and thank the officer for letting you live.

Employment - My expectation here is that he has something that occupies his time that pays, so that he can take care of his bills, not mine. It's OK if it's not something traditionally held in high esteem, considering my job, I've got an open mind. But if you're loafing about, with no prospects, that's not cute.

Available - If you are in another exclusive relationship, don't try to pick me up, that's just yucky. This also applies to emotional availability, and that the guy has time to spend with me.

Good Friends / Family Relationships - These are important, because if he's are a loner, who keeps to himself, doesn't bother his neighbors, and doesn't have anyone to vouch that he's relatively normal, I'm not going to waste my time dating the Unabomber. Besides, I have friends and family that would love to meet a superhero for a change!

Have some sort of skill, and be willing to teach me - This is just a really cool thing to do, and it impresses me.

Understandably, some things about the superhero lifestyle I'll have to work around, i.e., the vaguely homoerotic costumes, the secret hideout, the lurking arch-nemesis, needing to leave parties early to go save the world, but I'm willing to give a superhero the chance to show me how cool it is to date him, I'm sure I could be convinced.

All in all, there are some things on this list that might appear unreasonable. Then again, being unreasonable is just part of my charm. Well, that, and I do have a few super-powers of my own.